And with that the 4th trimester comes to an end...

As of today - the day I'm writing this post, Noelka is 3 months old, which officially means I'm out of the 4th trimester. So naturally, I thought it would be a good idea to conclude it in a blog. I think the fourth trimester is the least talked about. Suddenly everything becomes about this new human you just gave birth to and somehow everyone tends to forget you are still a person. All your friends want to see her, so don't even think of visiting them without her. All your family members put her first and they ask you if SHE can come, or if they can visit HER rather than you. It is understandable but a little disappointing. At least our family helped a lot the first few weeks. Mostly bringing food and helping to clean a bit. So THANK YOU!

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It is wild how in one day everything changes so drastically. I already talked about the love towards your child but you also somehow gain this appreciation towards yourself. Your body just managed something so badass. It's truly crazy. Yes, at first you are tired from the birth and all, although pumped with adrenaline at the same time, but once I got home from the hospital I was managing fine. It took almost a week for me to start feeling worse. I think I was trying to get back to everything, perhaps too quickly, and my body just wasn't up for it yet. Also, your hormones are all over the place and it's a little bit of a rollercoaster.

Baby wise the first month was really easy. She basically slept the whole day and we were lucky to get a good stretch during the night as well. After the one month mark she started to explore her surroundings and us, and got bored more easily. Now she is way higher maintenance, just because she constantly needs attention and sleeps less, but it's still pretty great. She compensates for it by all those smiles and giggles which are to die for.

I don't think I experienced baby blues or something more severe. But still, the mental part plays a role when it comes to my identity crisis, which I already wrote about in my previous post, and my postpartum body image. As most of mums, I do struggle with my new body. Not everyday but there certainly are days when it bothers me. However, that may also be due to my constant body image struggle throughout the past few years of my adolescence. Don't get me wrong, there are days when i look at myself and think:

~What a HOT mama~

Within the lines of my physicality I struggle with not being so strong anymore. My abs are weaker and my lower belly hurts when I walk a lot or do some more strenuous tasks. That was to be expected, but for how long? I've been trying to get to a physiotherapist but it's really hard to book a session with one within a reasonable timeframe. Postpartum care is another one of my concerns. Is one appointment with your gynaecologist really enough? It seems very unreasonable to check me after six weeks and then again in a year. Everything else is just extra care for extra cost. And let me tell you, it is not cheap.

Then there are two for me very prominent issues. One of which is breastfeeding. I was not prepared for it to be this hard. It was a shit-show. The baby cried, I cried and I was so close to giving up. My main goal were three months which again, as of today, I can proudly say I completed and am beyond excited for myself. And another huge issue for me is the sex life. At the moment it is essentially non existent and that's huge for me. I have always been quite a sexual individual and the fact that it hurts and takes so long to get used to is super frustrating. I must say, frustrating sex is one of the most frustrating things I know.

Well its not always sunshine. I am focusing this read on myself because I strongly feel that the fourth trimester is about us. Women. There are several positives within it. You don't walk around with a huge belly anymore and you still don't get your period which is super cool. Yet you still end up doing way more laundry. Firstly its because of leaking milk and then spit up or baby puke. Time is weird these days. The whole day just runs by and you feel like you haven't done anything - again - and yet you are so tired and, what's the right word, overworked? It's strange. Something to get used to.

As you can see, the post isn't very structured, but this slightly points out how my mind works these days. Its very unorganised and all over the place. Noelani earned her spot in my mind on constant basis. I think of how to dress her, what to pack for her. When I'm out, I focus on how she's doing and what she's doing and I also feel like I'm the only one who can do a good job. I can't even let my partner get her ready without checking every single detail and then I'm naturally mad at him for having to think of everything all the time and having to remind him. I admit it is my fault and I'm fighting it, but still, it is not a battle I have won so far.

All in all I must say, motherhood is mostly fun and I truly love having a child. She is unbearably cute and that makes it really freaking easy to forget about all the bad stuff. Honestly, if it was only about how cute she is I would have way more children. However, pregnancy is not my favourite part and even though my birth was way beyond what I expected, I don't particularly want to relive it. And lastly, postpartum is challenging. But here, we did it! Together, me and Noelani we beat the 4th trimester. I can't believe how fast time flies. The 1st quarter of her first year is over. WILD. I am beyond excited what this year brings us and I can't wait to watch her grow and go through all these different milestones. I LOVE this little girly and I LOVE being her MUMMY. So for now, have a good one.

Kika x